


Things SPD B Squad is Not Allowed to Do

by Gijinka_the_Renamon



Category: Power Rangers S.P.D.
Genre: Gen, Humor, Skippy's List
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29814432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gijinka_the_Renamon/pseuds/Gijinka_the_Renamon
Summary: After a number of incidents at SPD headquarters, we have compiled a list of things  Squad is forbidden from doing. Please read them all and memorize them. Thank you for your time.(Basically Mr. Welch's/Skippy's list in Power Rangers SPD. Also, spot the references!)
Kudos: 6





	Things SPD B Squad is Not Allowed to Do

1\. Off-limits means off limits.  
1a. Cadet Landers, this means you.

2\. Commander Cruger would prefer it if that old song “Who Let the Dogs Out” were not to be mentioned, ever again.  
2a. Katt feels the same about “Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty”.

3\. Whoever taught Cadet Carson the “Yeah, Toast” song is to come forward immediately.

4\. Katt does not appreciate being bribed with tuna.  
4a. Or cat food.  
4b. Or catnip.  
4c. Or yarn balls.

5\. Sam does not double as a night-light. Even if he is bright and shiny.

6\. No more Chuck Norris facts, please.  
6a. Bruce Lee facts are okay.  
6b. Marginally.

7\. The Red Ranger does not have to say, “And I’ll form the head!”.

8\. We are not “Men in Tights”.  
8a. Especially when there are women on the team.

9\. Whoever is trying to stick magnets onto RIC must stop immediately.  
9a. Also, stop referring to RIC as “K-9”.

10\. We will not “Do the Time Warp Again”.

11\. “Yakkety Sax” does not “make everything better”.  
11a. Nor “The Safety Dance”.  
11b. Nor "Gangam Style".  
11c. Nor “Dragostei Din Tei”

12\. TvTropes is off-limits for the time being after it took 2 hours to get Cadet Carson off.

13\. No dropping cherry bombs in the toilets. The custodial staff are not amused.

14\. When in a dangerous situation, "What Would Commander Cruger Do?" is a good line of thinking. That does not mean you can create and sell "WWCCD?"-themed accessories.

15\. A Bluehead cannot be reprogrammed into a serving droid.

16\. Plan B does not automatically involve more explosions than Plan A.  
16a. "When in doubt, use C4!" is not good advice.

17\. Boom will not make anyone a lightsaber, so stop asking.  
17a. Nor will he make you a portal gun.  
17b. Nor a sonic screwdriver.  
17c. Or a cloaking device.  
17d. Or power armor.  
17e. Or a hoverboard.  
17f. Jetpacks… no, probably not.

18\. Body paint is not a uniform.

19\. No trying to take sexy pictures of Kat to send to magazines.  
19a. No, we don’t care if you share the money.

20\. Painting a line to denote your own side of the room only works in sitcoms.

21\. “Point and laugh” is not how we treat new trainees.

22\. We are not the “Knights who Say Ni”.  
22a. In fact, all use of Monty Python references is banned from here on out.

23\. No giving Cadet Carson incredible amounts of sugar, especially after last time.  
23a. Coffee is also off-limits.

24\. RIC is not “your trusty steed”.

25\. Popcorn is not to be consumed during sparring matches.  
25\. Also, lasers are not to be used for making popcorn.

26\. While amusing, Kat is getting tired of all the LOLcat jokes.  
26a. For that matter, no more using Leetspeak.

27\. No using the photocopier to copy your behind.

28\. There is no such thing as a "Blue Alert".  
28a. And it does not include changing all the bulbs.

39\. No hijacking the loudspeakers for any use whatsoever.  
39a. The following songs are off-limits: "It's Raining Men", "Ride of the Valkyries", "The Nyancat Song”, "The Imperial March",”99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall,” “Never Gonna Give You Up”, “I’m Sexy and I know it”, “Yellow Submarine”, “Let it Go,” "Inna Gada da Vida", anything by “Weird Al” Yankovic, and the opening theme to “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic”.

40\. No taking incriminating photos of the chain of command.  
40a. And no using Photoshop either.

41\. False alarms are not funny.  
41a. Screamer pranks were never funny.

42\. Do not claim you are ill to get out of training exercises.  
42a. And no making up illnesses either.

43\. The Borg are not real, no matter what Boom tells you.  
43a. And neither are the Reapers.  
43b. Or Daleks, Cybermen, or anything from "Doctor Who".  
43c. Also, there is no such thing as the Mirrorverse.  
43d. Xenomorphs and Reavers are not real (Thank Zordon!).

44\. No chewing gum during meetings, unless you bring enough for everybody.  
44a. No chewing gum during meetings, even if you did bring enough for everybody.  
44b. The same goes for ordering pizza.

46\. No Zord needs a gigantic pair of "Truck Nuts". This discussion is closed.  
46a. Nor do they need giant mud flaps with "sexy ladies" on them. This discussion is also closed.  
46c. Pairs of fuzzy pink dice have no place in a Zord’s cockpit.  
46d. And you can forget about the bumper stickers on the back.  
46e. Get rid of the hula dancer figure.  
46f. Why would we even need car alarms?

47\. No using any Zord just to squish things.

48\. Just because we have giant vehicle robots does not mean we "Transform and Roll Out."

49\. No flashing back to battles you weren’t in.

50\. No arresting children just for being rude.

51\. No mocking your superiors.  
51a. Especially to their faces.

52\. Please get rid of the rubber ducks.  
52a. It was cute at first, but now it's getting absurd.  
52b. Seriously, the bathrooms are full of them!

53\. No using containment cards for card games.

54\. The answer to "What time is it?" is neither "Adventure Time!", nor, "SHOWTIME!"

55\. No taking out any Zord for a joy ride.  
55a. Or for illegal street races.  
55b. Or to get into the Express Lane.  
55c. Or to get drive through.  
55d. Or trying to "pop a wheelie".  
55e. Or trying to jump anything.

56\. No one here is "Turning Japanese".

57\. A toaster would not be a good replacement for Cadet Tate.

58\. Walking around covered in fake blood is just asking for trouble.  
58a. And the custodial staff is not happy either.

59\. Kat would prefer not to be called any of the following: Felicia, Whiskers the Wonder Kitty, or Meow Mix.  
59a. Commander Cruger would prefer not to be referred to as "Doggy Daddy".  
59b. Especially within earshot.  
59c. Do not refer to Kat as "Grumpy Cat" when she's in a bad mood.

60\. Black helicopters are not hovering over the base.  
60a. Nor are helicopters of any color.

61\. Doors exist for a reason, please use them.  
61a. Again, Cadet Landers, this means you.

62\. No taking home Bluehead/Orangehead parts for trophies.

63\. You are not to refer to Commander Kruger as “Mom”.  
63a. Nor are you to refer to Kat as “Dad”.  
63b. Or vice-versa.

64\. Our technicians would prefer not to be referred to as "an army of nerds".  
64a. Or “Redshirts”.  
64b. Or “Minions”.

65\. No writing saucy fanfiction on your fellow cadets, the chain of command, or our enemies.

66\. Use of extra-strength super glue is off-limits, especially after how long it took to get Cadet Tate off the ceiling in the cafeteria.

67\. No starting food fights.

68\. Do not look back at the explosions.

69\. The number 69 is not funny. Yes, we understand what it's referring to. It still isn't funny.

70\. Just because the vending machine is broken does not mean you can smash it.

71\. There is no Area 51. That is all.

72\. After what happened last time, laser pointers are off limits.  
72a. Especially around Kat.  
72b. No matter how funny you think it is.

73\. Paintball is not an acceptable form of training.  
73a. Nor are water balloon fights.  
73b. And especially not Calvinball.

74\. No taking bets on sparring matches.  
74a. Or trying to sell food during them.  
74b. Or playing “Kung Fu-Fighting”.

75\. Prank wars must never encompass the entire building.

76\. The Red Ranger's Zords do not go faster than the others.  
76a. And no testing out this theory.

77\. Your helmet is not to be used as a bowl.  
77a. Or bedazzled to make disco balls.

78\. And your uniform is neither your "Supersuit" nor your "Fighting Swag".  
78a. And it’s not spandex.

79\. Teabagging following fallen opponents is bad form.

80\. "Mythbusters" is not an instructional video.  
80a. Neither is "Top Gear".

81\. No furry jokes around Kat, please.  
81a. Or Commander Cruger, for that matter.

82\. While the suggestion is appreciated, there will be no training runs based on Japanese game shows.  
82a. Or that old show "Legends of the Hidden Temple".

83\. No one here is Captain Jack Sparrow.  
83a. Or Batman.  
83b. So take off of the costume.

84\. “The Giant Space Ants” are not at the top of the chain of command.

85\. Yes, we all know "Hamilton" is an excellent musical. That doesn't mean we want to hear it every minute of the day.  
85a. Because we'd rather not have "My Shot" stuck in our heads, that's why.

89\. Elevators are for transportation, not for "Elevator Parties".

90\. “The Cake is a Lie” was funny once, but that was a long, long, LONG time ago.

91\. “Talk Like a Pirate Day” is not officially recognized in SPD Headquarters.  
91a. Get rid of the parrot. It's getting annoying.

92\. No using social media when on duty.  
92a. That includes you, Cadet Drew.

93\. There is no need for a “Glitter Cannon”.  
93a. Or a “Salmon Cannon”.

94\. No throwing paper airplanes in the command center.  
95\. Especially if said paper airplanes are made from important documents.

95\. Diet Coke and Mentos are not to be used together.

96\. No using the hallways for “Slip and Slides”.

97\. “Shoot first, ask questions later” is not a valid diplomatic option.

98\. Jedi Mind Tricks do not work.  
98a. Nor does the Vulcan Neck Pinch.

99\. Industrial bubble wrap is not meant to be used that way.

100\. The following planets do not exist and cannot be found on any star map: Gallifrey, Tatooine, Ceti Alpha VI, Melmak, Transexual, Cybertron, Thundera, Pandora, Alternia, Vulcan, Tuchanka, Hoth, Skaro, Namek, or the Planet of the Apes.  
100a. (Especially since that last one turned out to be Earth.)

101\. When Mister Blaster is overloaded, Mister Blaster is not your friend.

102\. Getting a Zord up to 88 Miles Per Hour will not result in time travel.

103\. No trying to learn alien languages just for the insults and swears.  
103a. Or fictional languages for the same reason.  
103b. In addition, the following terms are forbidden: Quiznak, smeg-head, scruffy-looking nerf-herder...

104\. No messing with other Cadets while they sleep.

105\. No spitballs in the command center.

106\. Duct tape does not fix everything, no matter what Boom says.  
106a. Duct tape is not a toy.

107\. No racing remote-control cars all over the building.  
107a. Or flying miniature airplanes and helicopters.

108\. We do not have a "Godzilla Alert".

109\. No using important monitors to watch cartoons.  
109a. Or play video games.

110\. No taking photos during operations.

111\. No Rickrolling people.  
111a. Not even our enemies. That’s just tacky.

112\. There is no need to “Do a barrel roll!”  
112a. (Especially since it’s called an Aileron Roll.)

113\. Cadet Delgado is to stop using her duplication abilities to scare people.  
113a. Especially that thing with the angel costume on Halloween.  
113b. Seriously, do you know how long it took to get Boom to stop freaking out?

114\. Getting cats out of trees is not beneath your station, so stop grousing Cadet Tate.

115\. Cadet Carson must cut back on the buttered toast. That can’t be healthy.

116\. No messing with other people’s coffee.  
116a. Especially Commander Cruger’s.

117\. Shouting “LEEEEEEERRRRROOOOOOYYYYYY JEEEEENNNNNKKKKKIIIIINNNNNSSSSS!!!!!” during a fight is highly frowned upon.

118\. Pineapple on pizza is not a criminal offense. If you don't like it, fine, but stop arguing so much about it.

119\. No trying to make combustable lemon bombs.  
119a. Or potato guns.  
119b. Or marshmallow guns.

120\. No sticking “Kick Me” signs on people’s backs.

121\. "An hour in the ball pit" is not a good form of punishment.  
121a. Also, we do not need a ball pit.

122\. Songs like “The Song That Never Ends”, "I'm a Lumberjack and I'm Okay", "Henry the XIII", “They’re Taking the Hobbits to Isengard”, "The Badger Song" and “The Song That Gets on Everybody’s Nerves” are banned from hereon out.  
122a. In addition, karaoke is off-limits for the time being.

123\. Operating a communications channel with “Ground Control to Major Tom” or “Houston, we have a problem” is highly frowned upon.

124\. No talking during movie nights, even if they did it on “Mystery Science Theater 3000”.

125\. There is never an excuse for “Yo Mama” jokes.

126\. Mayonnaise is not an instrument.  
126a. Neither is horseradish.

127\. Stop calling Boom “Mr. Scott”.  
127a. Even if he asks you to.

128\. Do not start situation reports with “Dear Princess Celestia”, or “You should have been there!”

129\. No late-night raves.  
129a. Which means you must get rid of the glow sticks, the smoke machines, and the fog lights.

130\. A dope slap is not a reasonable response to a stupid comment.  
130a. Especially if your name isn't Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

131\. The following instruments are off-limits: bagpipes, vuvuzelas, bike horns, slide-whistles and flugelhorns.

132\. Sergeant Silverback is not a "Damned dirty ape". Please do not say this around him.

133\. No recording other cadet's slip-ups to put online.

134\. There is no "Mighty Glow Cloud" and we do not have to hail it.  
134a. ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY GLOW CLOUD.  
134b. ...Please excuse the above post, we don't know what that was.

135\. No wasting time discussing whether or not a Caveman could beat an astronaut.  
135a. No discussing the old "Pirates VS Ninjas" debate.

136\. No harassing Girl Scouts.  
136a. Especially for their cookies. Pay for them like everyone else.

137\. There are no car washes big enough for a Zord. Cleaning them off at the base is fine.

138\. No making prank calls.

139\. Halloween is not a chance to wear costumes on the job. Save those for the party.

140\. Spray paint is not a form of expression.  
140a. And to whoever sprayed "Bad Wolf" over the Commander's door, ha-ha, very funny. Now go clean it off.

141\. No, we do not to "Want to Build a Snowman"!

142\. Beans are neither musical, nor a fruit.

143\. Anti Orbital Weapons are overkill.

144\. Emoticons have no place in official documents.  
144a. Especially the eggplant ones.  
144b. And especially not the excrement ones.

145\. Lego statues are fine. Putting bits in people's shoes is not.

146\. Cardboard cut-outs are not permitted on the premises after the "Justin Beiber" incident.

147\. Despite common belief, asking for forgiveness is not better than asking for permission.

148\. Just because we are "Judge, Jury and Executioner" does not mean you can take advantage of that.

149\. For the sake of peace in the workplace, movie and TV show spoilers are to be kept under wraps.  
149a. Even if said movie or TV show is over a hundred years old by now.

150\. When Commander Cruger tells you to do or not to do something, it is a command, not a challenge.


End file.
